Best friends and bullying

Ypulse recently posted a discussion on a New York Times story wherein the potential negative effects of tween and teen best friends are highlighted. (Last week, my professional reading post also included an article from The New York Times. See, newspapers and traditional news sources are still relevant, whether we access them in print or online!) Apparently, some schools have even gone as far as to separate best friends whose relationship is viewed as unhealthy to themselves or other students. The discussion about social cruelty among teenagers, and especially girls, is not new. In fact, the author of the Ypulse article makes a reference to Regina George, the lead character in the movie Mean Girls, which is based on the book Queen Bees and Wannabees by Rosalind Wisemand published in 2002.

We all know that middle school is rife with cliques. The power of the group can build one’s confidence if they are part of that ‘in” crowd or greatly damage one’s self-esteem if they are on the other side. We may have been one of the queen bees, comfortably seated at the top of the middle school social ladder. We may have been one of the outsiders, subject to ridicule by those queen bees but still wishing to be one of them. We may have tried to stay low on the radar of potential bullies. Or we may have been all of those at some point, since as often happens, middle schoolers explore many different identities and social circles in trying to define a sense of self.

The quick and easy fix of simply separating “bffs” (either by not placing them in the same in-class groups or on the same sports teams, or by placing them in different classes altogether) seems like it would create more issues than it would solve. As the Times article opines, "If children’s friendships are choreographed and sanitized by adults, the argument goes, how is a child to prepare emotionally for both the affection and rejection likely to come later in life?" Perhaps teachers need to address the root of the problem and provide lessons to students or administrators need to give school-wide assemblies on bullying. Separating two queen bees is only a temporary solution and, again, does not address the real issue of why tweens and teens need to so viciously distinguish “in” and “out” crowds. I can’t say I have an answer. There have always been popular crowds and has always been bullying to a certain degree. It is hard to say if the extent of cliquishness and bullying is actually greater or if the media and society are simply now more aware of the issue.